Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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