We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
