having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
