Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
