I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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