I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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