don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize