i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
