but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
