It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
