We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize