Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
