I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
