you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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