somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
