put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
