no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
