So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
