We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
