If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
