Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
