I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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