Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
