One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
