arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
