your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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