My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
