He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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