Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
