discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize