you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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