how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize