dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
