I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
