My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
