grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are the jesus of drinking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
