About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
