I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
