how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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