I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
