standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
