I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
