the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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