Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
