That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
