the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
