OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
