I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
