omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
