We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
