1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize