I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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