You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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