Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
