so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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