My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
