So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
