Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
