I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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