I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
