oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
