Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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