This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
