Need sex. Gaining weight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
