I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
