he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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