New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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