this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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