i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
