Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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