If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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