id be glad to
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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